Forget the rest, you know best???

Another fellow blogger responds to my one measly little post with-- "forget the rest, you know the best." Wow -- such thought provoking insight -- to think it came from a Desi male. Sorry Mister Umerica, no offense intended.

We humans differ from animals on many levels, but one of my most favorites is our human ability to make a choice, we ALWAYS have a choice. That having been said, do we really have a choice in choosing to "forget the rest." How do you deal with the many many relationships in your life that tug at your ability to make choices that they would favor. How do you not let what your family, friends and others think of you not affect you? On one hand, I think I am a free-thinking, free-willed, independent woman, but how many of my "independent" decisions are actually independent. Of course, we are all influenced, directly or indirectly by those around us, we do not, after all, live in a vacuum.

Is there anyone out there who can truly say, that even though others may affect their thought process, their ultimate decisions are theirs and theirs alone. They take full responsibility for their choices, solely enjoy the rewards and solely suffer the consequences. If there is someone out there like that, I would love to meet him or her and make them my "guru."

We may not realize it but just as we tend to pick up mannerisms and gestures of those constantly around us, so do we also pick up their values, moral and principles. Being born in India, but raised in the US, I find that I am confused. I came here at a very ripe age, but my parents fulfilled the Indian familiarity I should have had if I was raised there and of course on the flip side, I acclamated myself to the western "Americanized" familiarity here in the states. So are my decisions, issues, neurosis a result of the constant conflict between the two familiarities or something else all together?

Countdown to 30

This is it...2008, the year I turn 30 years old... as I am getting closer to d-day, i can't help but reflect what i've accomplished and what i have to show for being a burden on this earth for the last 30 years.

What have I given back, what mark of mine have i left on this world. Now i know the one person who accidentally stumbled on this blog is thinking -- "this crazy chic is only turning 30 and she's talking like she's 80 and about to die" -- to that person I say, you got me pegged -- I'm crazy, but in a normal, sane way...does that make any sense??? If it does, i would greatly appreciate someone explaining it to me, cause i sure as heck don't understand it.

Getting back on track, all summer, i've spent a significant amount of time thinking about the inevitable birthday. Every year, i don't feel like celebrating my birthday, but every year, i get sad because i realize that even though i don't want to celebrate my birthday, so does no one else...

This summer, for some reason, i remembered all the things i thought i would have accomplished/acheived/gained by the time i turned 30. They just came rushing back to me one by one with the utter realization that i didn't accomplish/acheive/gain anything on that list.

So according to my folks, they are disappointed that i'm not married yet and have not given them any grandkids, according to my friends, they are disappointed that i am still single -- "when ARE you getting married???" According to myself, i'm disappointed that i still let what my parents and friends say get to me...

I don't feel like I am turning 30, but i do feel old...weird...

More to come...